Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
