Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Of course I have a pirate flag
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
