I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize