Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
