I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
