I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize