is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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