I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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