My sheets look like a crime scene.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
