I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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