just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
