4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
