Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Is Oprah even human
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
