hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
