if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
