At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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