i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
