and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize