I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize