So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
