she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
