omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
