a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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