all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize