first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
