I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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