:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
