Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
