i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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