are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
