You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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