Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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