There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
