what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
