How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The adults are the big ones right?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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