Buhtt sex?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
it's great music for shaving your balls
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
