went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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