Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
