If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize