Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
