i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
