your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
home. puking in laundry basket.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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