I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
