In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
