Need sex. Gaining weight.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
