laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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