The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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