listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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