I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
