"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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