I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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