he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
