My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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