I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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