First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
