I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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