I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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