Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
