I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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