Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
porn star boner night. come get it.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
