I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
