I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
