Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
