if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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