Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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