Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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