If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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