Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
