Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
