well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
