shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
