i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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