Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The uberlube is also flammable
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
